Awakenings



In Awakenings, a film based on a true story, Robin Williams is a doctor who cares for patients who have been catatonic for many years, and discovers a treatment that 'revives' them. Achieving his best results with a man played by Robert DeNiro. For a while this treatment works well enough that the patients begin to think they will be able to lead a normal life. Sadly, after a while complications lead to the withdrawal of treatment, a they slip back into their catatonia.

I realised yesterday, that my life has turned out rather like the plot of "Awakenings."

For over 40 years, I drifted through my life without much of a plan. Then I met Mr A. and after a while, I woke up, found I had a life, and started to live it, I made plans, built a home, and settled in for the long term.

Then like Williams' treatment, complications have caused the treatment to be withdrawn, and I sometimes feel like I'm returning to my previous state.

It is, of course, a loose comparison. My fate, whilst not entirely in my own hands, is for me to decide. I am so much stronger now than I have ever been before. Yes my present has been dealt a blow, and it'll take time to recover, but I believe that with, or without him, (and for preference with) I can continue into my future with determination, and hope

I would also, of course, prefer to have a future that had not suffered the set back it has, and without doubt, things are so much more complicated than before, but if we can get through this period of turmoil, perhaps, I can resume my treatment, and live the life I had planned.

It may sometimes have its doubts, but in the end, the heart knows what the heart wants.


                                             


Supplementary:

We are meeting tomorrow (20/12,) it is probably the last time he'll have chance to tell me what I need to know so I can decide what happens next, and if he doesn't then the decision has been made for me.

I am frightened. 

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