The Reconstruction of Fallen Stars

  It is important when building something to start with a solid foundation. If you don't there is no point in laying even a single brick. Your project is doomed from the outset. If your foundation is strong enough, you can build a vast skyscraper, that will stand for decades, and weather any storm. Mr A, and I, had a long and frank talk, it was possibly the hardest conversation I've ever been called upon to have. It is fair to say neither of us enjoyed it. It was a conversation that could only be described as "good" in the technical sense of the word, in as much as we kept to the point, and had roughly equal input. The subject matter was painful for us both, and there were long pauses while we each collected our thoughts. There is no transcript, and even if there were, I would not publish it. What was said will remain between the two of us, it is enough to know that we reached an accord. We have each made promises to the other, and I am certain we will endeavour to ke

In Awakenings, a film based on a true story, Robin Williams is a doctor who cares for patients who have been catatonic for many years, and discovers a treatment that 'revives' them. Achieving his best results with a man played by Robert DeNiro. For a while this treatment works well enough that the patients begin to think they will be able to lead a normal life. Sadly, after a while complications lead to the withdrawal of treatment, a they slip back into their catatonia. I realised yesterday, that my life has turned out rather like the plot of "Awakenings." For over 40 years, I drifted through my life without much of a plan. Then I met Mr A. and after a while, I woke up, found I had a life, and started to live it, I made plans, built a home, and settled in for the long term. Then like Williams' treatment, complications have caused the treatment to be withdrawn, and I sometimes feel like I'm returning to my previous state. It is, of course, a loose comparison. M

  Time and tide wait for no man - Geoffrey Chaucer  Since I last wrote here, about half the allotted time before the deadline has passed, and still nothing has been resolved. I am aware that it seems a little unjust of me to expect any kind of meaningful discussions during a national crisis, for one thing Lockdown means there is nowhere to hold a meeting with the level of privacy we need, and even if there were, travel is restricted to "essential," and I'm not convinced the law will consider Mr A. and I needing to talk to each other to have that level of importance. That said, how much longer can I live my life on Hold. I still don't know why he chose the path he did, I still don't know how far down it he travelled, and I still don't know what, or how much, I may have to forgive him for, assuming of course that I can forgive him, I can't even be sure of that. All I do know is that I spend a lot of time in fear of what I might learn.  Doubt is a terrible en

  Time: An Illusion? Sir Terry Pratchett referred to time saying it was, "that which stopped everything happening all at once," Douglas Addams wrote about it in "The Hitch-Hiker's Guide;"  the waiter in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe tells us, "Time is an illusion, Lunchtime, doubly so."  Quite a long time has passed since I last wrote, so you'd expect things to have moved along. Quite rightly, you are reading this assuming I have something of import to relate, or perhaps a long update of many small steps taken toward a conclusion. You are sadly to be disappointed, in this case, Douglas is closer to the truth, than Sir Terry. I share your disappointment, I so want to be able to enthral you with things I have learned, or entertain you with anecdotes picked up as Mr. A, and I rebuild our life together. I cannot. He remains resolutely silent, and if I press him for a conversation about how we got to that terrible day in July, he shuts down,

A Coda is a piece of music, somewhat akin to a Chorus, or refrain, it is often more complex than the actual composition it accompanies.  Mr. A and I went away for a couple of days. It had been booked before "The Horror," and we felt it would do us both some good to forget, for a little while.  So we did, and it was good. For a brief moment, we smiled, and chatted. Drank coffee, and ate junk food. We decided that as First Dates go, this one would take some beating. I spent the night with him, close, but not so close, and I found sleep. As I have said before (and no doubt will again:) The heart wants, what the heart wants.   

  This card follows immediately after  The Devil  in all Tarots that contain it, and is associated with sudden, disruptive  revelation , and potentially destructive change - Wikipeapia. If I believed in such things, this card would have a home in my Tarot.  Of course "The Cards" cannot tell you the future any more than "The Stars," all fortune telling is hokum at best. Odd though, how appropriate the meaning, and that I should recall it. In the days after our star fell I wandered somewhat dazed, and confused through the things I had to do, my boss was an absolute paragon of understanding, and allowed me a great deal of freedom in what I would do. Clearly, staying at work was all I could do, I was living on the good auspices of my friend, but would have to start paying my way sooner, rather than later. That first week was long and hard, I got through it on borrowed strength, and a stubborn streak. The end of that first week brought a further blow to my already fragil